Why we struggle with authenticity and vulnerability
In today’s world, authenticity is a buzzword. Brands talk about it. Leaders advocate for it. Social media influencers swear by it.
So many of us struggle to actually live authentically.
Because authenticity is about risking rejection, not just being real. It is about showing up without a mask, knowing that what you reveal might not be accepted, applauded, or even acknowledged.
The irony? We trust and follow those who dare to be vulnerable.
So why do we find it so difficult?
The fear of rejection and judgment
At the root of our struggle with authenticity is a deep, evolutionary fear: What if I’m not accepted?
Humans are wired for connection. In prehistoric times, rejection from a group meant isolation and often, death. Fast forward to today, and while we no longer face life-or-death consequences, the fear remains.
In professional settings, this manifests as playing it safe:
Leaders avoid admitting mistakes to maintain authority.
Brands stick to generic messaging to avoid alienating audiences.
Employees suppress opinions to fit into corporate cultures.
But here’s the paradox: We trust people who are real, not perfect.
A Harvard Business Review study found that leaders who openly acknowledge mistakes build stronger teams and inspire trust. Vulnerability is a credibility booster, not a weakness.
Case Study: Brené Brown’s vulnerability revolution
Brown’s research on shame and vulnerability reshaped leadership culture. She argues that true courage is about being seen even when it is uncomfortable. It is not about being invincible.
Actionable insight: If you fear judgment, start small. Share a challenge or a failure with your team, audience, or even a close colleague. Notice how people respond, not with ridicule, but with empathy.
Past negative experiences: When vulnerability backfires
Many of us learned early that being vulnerable comes at a cost.
Maybe you shared an idea that was laughed at. Maybe you confided in someone who betrayed your trust. Maybe, like me, you had a moment so humiliating it shaped how you showed up for years.
I was 10 years old, a bookworm and a nerd. One day, I forgot my homework. My teacher shouted at me in front of the whole class. And in that moment of fear and humiliation, I peed my pants.
The class laughed. A boy raised his hand and announced it to everyone. From that day, I wasn’t just Shawn. I was the kid who peed himself. I lost friends. I was bullied.
So I made a decision: Never again. When I entered secondary school and realised I was queer, I became someone else. Loud. Tough. The bully instead of the bullied.
I thought masculinity would protect me. I thought toughness would make me untouchable. But all it did was disconnect me from myself.
This is a pattern I have seen in boardrooms, agencies, and leadership teams everywhere, not just my story. People perform toughness to hide their fear. And it’s exhausting.
Case study: Nike’s Kaepernick gamble
Nike’s Believe in Something campaign with Colin Kaepernick was a masterclass in embracing risk. By standing behind a polarising figure, Nike alienated some consumers, but deepened loyalty with their core audience.
Had they played it safe, they would have remained forgettable. Instead, they became an example of bold, authentic branding.
Actionable insight: Reflect on a moment you hid your true self out of fear. What was lost in that moment? What could have been gained? Reclaiming authenticity means embracing that discomfort.
Cultural and societal conditioning
Many cultures equate vulnerability with weakness. Traditional leadership models favor control and composure. Many workplaces still value grind culture over emotional intelligence.
This is especially true for women, LGBTQIA+ individuals, and minorities, who often feel they must assimilate to succeed.
Example: The “Strong Woman” dilemma
Women leaders often feel pressure to be either too soft or too aggressive. The middle ground, being authentic, is rarely encouraged.
Yet, research from McKinsey & Company shows that companies with diverse leadership outperform competitors by 35%. Not because they hire different people, but because they create cultures where authenticity thrives.
Actionable insight: If you’re in a leadership position, ask yourself: Does my team feel safe bringing their full selves to work? If the answer is no, it’s time to rethink company culture.
The perfectionism trap
We have been conditioned to believe that success = flawlessness. So we over-polish. We overthink. We wait for the perfect moment to share, launch, or lead.
And in doing so, we lose momentum, connection, and opportunity.
Case Study: Elon Musk’s unfiltered leadership
Musk’s raw, unfiltered Twitter presence is controversial, but it also makes him relatable. Unlike many corporate leaders who rely on PR teams, he tweets in real-time, mistakes and all.
While risky, this humanises him. His audience feels like they are engaging with a real person, not a scripted persona.
Actionable insight: Stop aiming for perfection. Aim for progress. Post the imperfect thought. Share the work-in-progress idea. Growth happens in motion, not in hesitation.
The lack of safe spaces
Authenticity requires safety. If we exist in environments where vulnerability is punished, we adapt by hiding, shrinking, or hardening.
Case study: Patagonia’s authentic brand culture
Patagonia’s environmental activism is embedded in their company culture, not just a marketing strategy. They live sustainability, not just talk about it.
The result? Consumers trust them. Employees believe in them. Their authenticity is a competitive advantage, not just a selling point.
Actionable insight: Who do you surround yourself with? If your environment doesn’t support authenticity, change it or create a new one.
How to reclaim authenticity in leadership and communication
So, how do we show up more authentically in a world that constantly pressures us to conform?
Redefine vulnerability. It’s not a weakness. It’s a superpower.
Choose progress over perfection. Start before you feel “ready”.
Find or create safe spaces. Authenticity thrives in supportive communities.
Align actions with values. Don’t just say what matters to you. Live it.
Lead by example. If you want authenticity in your team, brand, or audience, it starts with you.
People don’t follow the most polished, perfect, or strategic leader.
They follow the most authentic one.
The leader who isn’t afraid to say: This is who I am. This is what I stand for. This is where I’ve failed. This is what I’m learning.
That’s the kind of leadership that inspires, influences, and endures.
So my challenge to you: What’s one way you can show up more authentically today? Let me know in the comments.